Brian Yalung’s Compositions

From the start, it was something uncertain, unclear and a risk I had taken. There is no doubt that I already knew what would happen and knowing the risks, it was bound to near the end of something which only I wanted to work. The ordeal is not something that carried promises. There was no clear path as to where it would go as she is committed to someone else, and I having a complicated predicament from my failed marriage was too much too consider.

While I already laid down my cards and told her bout my true inner feelings, no reciprocation was expected. No demands, no promises and no expectations, it all had to come to a somewhat abrupt end. Thinking all the while that a person would appreciate someone who would keep his mind on that person only and not entertain other possible candidates or relationships that are coming here and there went the opposite direction, a shared view which only aggravated my chances, but then again, was not really something I would feel sorry for. I had already conditioned my mind to such an occurrence, and sad to say, I was correct in assuming that it will lead to nowhere. I am not the bad guy in this scenario. I never wanted to break up anything nor had any intentions. I was simply waiting for my time. But as things stand now, that time may never materialize and all I am left is with my career and close family loved ones such as my daughter to be happy with.

People have been advising me left and right. Don’t expect is what they tell me, something that I have become accustomed to. Do not ruin something that was bound by God. I always believed this even if I had become a victim in such a belief myself, losing someone which would ordinarily be a big blow to anyone for the weak at heart. God has plans for all of us, something that no one will ever know until the day comes.

Maybe I have become ignorant to love and relationships at this stage as I always feel that life is becoming shorter to prove a person’s success at my age. At 36, I feel I have been through a lot, and the only enjoyment I get right now is through family gatherings, work, and playing ball. As far as building on my relationship problems is concerned, it’s just a part of human life. It is not important if the right person is not by your side.

As for the title, this is something that will symbolize the sign-off. She had wanted this ever since the Christmas season started and I promised to buy her one. It was nice looking around and seeing which would make her smile. But after the series of conversations, it seems that after this, I am no longer expecting to hear from her as she made it clear that it is not a relationship we are having but only friends. Some people just do not understand how such remarks could hurt anyone, but being good at hiding things, I just simply took everything in stride.

I plan to give the Christmas Lantern this week, perhaps the last thing I would ever give her. I know that somewhere at the back of my mind that our last meeting may actually be the last. After delivering the said lantern, it is safe to say that this is a closed chapter in my life. Funny. Being the author of my life, I think I simply reached the page where I will start seeing the glossary and the appendices already. Perhaps another volume will be started. But in whichever case, I knew I did not do anything wrong. It hurts to live by principles and acceptance of defeat. But then again, life must go on and other areas of lives may need to be attended to, such as family and career.

Merry Christmas and farewell are all that is left. An early Christmas gift and parting present that will hopefully settle things down for her own piece of mind.

The Philippines is truly rich and talented with regards to Filipinos who have the unique talent and skills that most countries would die to have. It is very common to this day that graduates and successful career enhanced individuals would go for work abroad rather than staying here to get their feet of the ground. After some time, it is quite funny how local companies and people would look for them and finally realize what a Filipino can truly do.

This is really more focused on local newspapers and magazines who still follow the old recruitment ways of filling up their personnel requirements. Writing for example will not be entertained if they do not have degrees in Journalism or Education. These requirements are truly something that most companies use as their basis for selecting people rather than the actual work output that most people would have. It did not even occur to them that talented writers and composers may have opted to choose another course in college or MBA but really have to natural capabilities of becoming good writers today. Writing may be a past time for them, and being good with a bunch of words and writing unique content as based on opinions and supported by minimal research, most writers originate and grow from such tactics. Truth of the matter is, a lot of Filipinos can be traced working online abroad, doing article writing work, blogs, and unique compositions, each earning in foreign currency rather than to the peso value which is surely low and unacceptable.

Just a few months ago, people were asking me why I chose to write for the foreign countries like the United States and the United Kingdom. My straight answer was that these companies appreciate and provide better opportunities rather than the local newspapers that include Inquirer and Manila Bulletin. Locally, they still follow the old schematics of hiring personnel so is it surprising why most writers would rather bring their gear and serve other countries as well?

It is only typical and natural for home based organizations to overlook people. They are still stuck in the ancient realms of tradition to which has contributed into holding back evolution of the country in all aspects of development. People are getting wiser nowadays and following the lead of old fuddy duddies is something that will also hinder career growth as well. Why write for companies that opt to recruit well-known personalities for the sake of marketing their publications over unique and quality writers that offer a lot of things in their minds? It is purely becoming a marketing effort to promote the name of publications rather than what they really contain. To cut a long story short, the important thing of gaining impact towards the consumers as far as seeing and reading what can easily be understood rather than sticking to traditional ways of management and writing.

My parting message?

Just don’t be surprised why one day you will run out of good writers who would want to work and contribute to you…they may have grown out of their shell already and may be building on personal branding and career development, something that takes ages for local bred talent to realize that opportunity knocks and the doors and minds need to be opened.

For people like me who have participated and joined teams, it is only natural to accept that better people in terms of skills and qualifications will be preferred over them. Being a sports buff in the aspect of competitive level, maturing to the stage of accepting that it will reach a point that giving way for the benefit of team play should always be the foremost important thing rather than selfish achievement and glory, something that most people feel should be the case.

This has rubbed off in all aspects of my life. Work, family, and even love and relationships, preference to be the only one capable of handling a job or task has become secondary in nature since a few years back. Some would say it the loss of interest and fire, setbacks to which frustrations would eat up the best in a person’s life. But honestly, it is more of maturing and looking at it more abruptly, being realistic and mature about such endeavors that all people go through everyday. Selfishness is what should be tagged to people who simply want to stay stubborn and refuse to accept reality that all skills and personal qualifications will definitely reach a point where they can be facing new blood with better qualifications with benefits as well.

As far as love and relationships, sorry as it may seem at times, its time to face the fact of age as well. We all do not get any younger and sometimes, looking at life as a game that may well be on the crossroads of ending should serve as an alarm into considering better things in life than forcing themselves on people who simply have no place for them. Self pity as it may seem to all, perhaps it is true, but personally, not the entire personality of individuals. A person suffering setbacks in love and relationship can always use that energy and transform it into productive energy as well, in the form of focusing on career and unfulfilled personal goals. Falling for people who are attached, well, that is becoming my destiny and instead of moping around, the best thing to do is concentrate on something else rather than sitting on the corner and feeling sorry for me. Why force the issue and waste time, when there are far better things to achieve for the little time that life allows us to have?

True, people may not always appreciate what sincere people truly have to offer. However, I always believed that anyone’s importance would be felt once they are gone. This holds true, especially for people who have departed due to old age, where their presence and attention will sorely be missed. To which I sometimes wonder, considering all the accomplishments and help in my own sincere way, perhaps some people would appreciate it in the future. But regardless if they do or not, it won’t really matter since I do not really crave for personal glory and acknowledgement, but rather just carrying out in my beliefs as a person, not asking nor wanting anything in return. Realizing the importance will come at times we least expect it. It is just too bad it always has to come to that point, the point where even their heart and soul are no longer what they were when that person first approached you.